Have you ever ?

Have you ever been in this place?

the place where full of pain
sorrow
loneliness
and emptiness.
a place that is
dark, 
cold,
and lonely.
a place where you hide yourself
in times that you feel like no one cares
in times that you’ve feel like rejected
in time that you feel hopeless
in times when you feel so hurt
in times when you feel so alone and lonely.
You come to this place
to hide
to suffer
to dig deeper and buried yourself just to let the pain away.

Have you ever been in this place?
a place that you can put your wall around you
and hide.
a place to blame yourself and hate it
until it hurts more.
a place where you hide your fears
your dark self.

Have you ever been in this place?
a place like a dark hole that gets bigger 
every time you’ve been in this darkest time
bigger that you eaten you alive.
a place where life is useless.
a place where love is not true.
a place where hate ad bitterness hug you tight enough to let go.

have you ever been in this place?
a place that is called sorrow.
a place called emptiness.
a place called hatred.
a place called loneliness.
a place called “yourself” inside you.
that you keep and hide.

How long do you want to stay in that place?
how long do you want to suffer?
how long do you want to bear the pain?
how long do want it?

I know its hard.
I understand.
I know it, 
I’ve been there too.
And
I still coming back.
And still
struggling to
go out.

I know you can.

xoxo bibi

At War With Myself !!

“Accept Defeat and move on. Yes it hurts. Yes, you lost something, or somebody. Yes, your hopes are broken down and maybe so is the heart. Accept it. Close the battle and move on. There is this very simple thing which many people are just blindly ignoring: you can’t have a new victory until you close your current battle (by accepting defeat, if that’s what just happened).”

 

Sometimes God doesn't give you or take away what you think you want not because you don’t deserve it but because you deserve more and He has something better in mind for you. Let go, it is going to be okay.

SILENTLY

 Sorrow, Frustration...
Revenge
builds within me.
They try to rip me from my happiness.
My eyes are red everyday,
I think about what happened in the
PAST
and what is happening NOW everyday.
They say:
"the eyes are windows to your soul."
My soul is clouded with fog.
This fog is my revenge.
I silently wait for the
Sorrow and Frustration...
I silently wait for the
Revenge of my day to come.

Have Hope, Be Hopeful !!

I will never ever lose hope. I refuse to. No matter the odds, no matter what happens, it’s still my choice, my decision, my power, to hold onto the faith in what I believe to be true. That’s the one thing that can never be taken from me unless I allow it because I believe that sometimes the impossible is possible.

 I know life can be so hard. It can beat you down, it can spit in your face, it can do just about anything, and yet you can’t do a thing to prevent it. But I guarantee that one day you will smile again. You will wake up in the morning, and not have to fight the urge to cry anymore. Yes, it can take a while.. weeks, months, maybe even years. But you will get there, I promise you that.

Be Thankful On Days You Shouldn't

 

be thankful on days you shouldn't

i wish i could grab some of you,
pull you to the
side

whisper in your
fucking ears

be thankful on the days
you shouldn’t

because it’s not the
same on
days
you can

the days you cry for no reason at all,
the nights you
drink that all away,
the moments you try to hide
the minutes you try to slide in-between
the never again

anyone can laugh at something funny,
or cry at something sad

but we aren’t two dimensional,
we’re bones and meat
for reason

to break
to bruise
to feel alive.

Letting Go !

To let go doesn't mean to stop caring;

It means I can't do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off...

It's the realization that I can't control another...

To let go is not to enable,

but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness,

which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try and change or blame another,

I can only change myself.

To let go is not to care for, but to care about.

To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge,

but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,

but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.

To let go is not to be protective,

It is to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny, but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,

but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,

but to take each day as it comes and cherish the moment.

To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,

but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past,

but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more

start something beautiful !

Take life one day at a time…

it’s not how fast we move or how long we live, it’s how we cherish every moment.

Today is going to be wonderful, so SMILE :)

Inspiration

I hate that thing that happens right before you fall asleep. Every mistake you’ve ever made, every word you wish you said, every moment that made you cry rushes through your head, and all you can do about it is cringe and pretend it all never happened.

You know that feeling when you’re just waiting, waiting to get home into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let everything out that you kept in all day, that feeling of both relief and desperation? Nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either, and you’re tired, tired of everything, tired of nothing, and you just want someone to be there and tell you it’s okay, but no one’s going to be there, and you know you have to be strong for yourself because no one can fix you. But you’re tired of waiting, tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else, tired of being strong, and for once, you just want it to be easy, to be simple, to be helped, to be saved, but you know you won’t be, but you’re still hoping and you’re still wishing and you’re still staying strong and fighting with tears in your eyes. You’re fighting.

      keep on fighting. Stay Strong.

My Polka Dot Nails

My 7 yr old daughter was bored so she said mommy can i paint your nails.. i said sure why not and this is the out come, i cant believe she does good work, it came out pretty good and iam not saying that cause she is my daughter but she has some talent...like Mother like Daughter iam sooo proud.

Lonely !

“I have all these feelings - these weird feelings, and I’ve had this burning desire to express them. But I can’t. I just can’t. And these feelings - they’re trapped and they’re like stuck in my heart.. And I just feel so lonely.”

Do you know why people hate to admit they are lonely? It’s because when you do, everyone thinks that something is wrong with you. They think “I have people in my life, why don’t you?” But the strange thing is, you can have people in your life and still be alone.

Because sometimes people do actually feel that way. Sometimes your life feels like it’s caving in on you. Sometimes people really do feel like they don’t want to exist, like they want to just curl up in a ball, and go into that place between life and death. Saying “I don’t want to exist” isn’t saying “I want to go die”. It’s saying “I wish that, for the time being, I could go somewhere and not have to feel”. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. And if you don’t know how it feels to feel this way, then you have no place to judge anyone who does.

i’m telling you, there’s nothing wrong with being lonely sometimes, it’s okay…you’ll be alright.

Letting Go !

I don’t know why we all hang on to something we know were better letting go. It’s like were scard to lose what we don’t even really have. Some of us say we’d rather have that something than absolutely nothing, but the truth is, to have it halfway is harder than not having it at all.

You know what your problem is? You get attached, fast. And once you’re attached to someone, you do everything you can to please them and make them happy. It’s never been about what you want; it’s always everyone’s needs before your own. You give out too many chances to people, who quite frankly, do not deserve them. They take advantage of you, and you become a pushover. But you’re okay with that, because they’re in your life and that’s all you ever really wanted. And even if they screw you over, you’ll still be there for him. Because that’s you, that’s who you are. Once you get attached to someone, they capture your heart and they always have a place there. And that is why it’s so hard for you to let go.

I get the whole “He’s the only guy i’ve ever really been in love with” part. It’s hard to let go, hard to move on to someone else and think you’ll never find anyone with such characteristics or chemistry like you two had, but I promise you, once you let go and move on, you’ll find out that, deep down, the only feelings you have for him might be just the fact that you’ll always love him. You may not want him back, you might just be scared to move on without him.
Nobody wants to hear this but sometimes the person you want the most, is the person you are best without.

THE BEST THING !

I know I’m right where I belong
But sometimes when I’m not that strong…
I Wish I’d done a little bit more.

… I’m not completely sure of what i want with my life actually, and I still feel that emptiness sometimes but what I know now is that , this life right now is what i want, this is what I decided to be, this life that I’m living right now, the person that I am, the place where I live, the people I am with, the job I have and everything that I achieved and total of all that is happening in my life right now…this is it! this I what I want with my life. I want to accept it as it is. there maybe something more that I desire or need but i will deal with it everyday, and work for it. i was blinded to look too much about what i want with my life, without realizing that I have so much more to be thankful for, that my life is the life that I want to be. And right now whatever comes my way I am okay with it:)

“There’s always ups and downs. Not everything is going to go as planned. Not everything is going to work out the way you want it to. Not everything will go along perfectly. But how you overcome that determines how strong you are. Life hits you hard, but you have to knock it down. In order to do that, you have to stand strong.”

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

be strong, i know you can. i believe in you.

QUOTE OF THE DAY !!

The only thing I really wish to do with my life is to inspire someone. I want to touch someone’s life so much that they can genuinely say that if they have never met me then they wouldn’t be the person they are today. I want to save someone; save them from this cold, dark & lonely world. I wish to be someone’s hero, someone that people look up to. I only wish to make a change, even if it’s a small one. I just want to do more than exist.

QUOTE OF THE DAY !!

"I don’t think feelings change, nor people. I think situations change. I know that it’s possible to dislike someone after loving them so much or to love someone after feeling so much hate towards them but, it’s not because people change, it’s because it’s not the same anymore. It’s because something made you think differently, something opened your eyes, something caused you to see everyday the way it is at last. It’s like days. Days can be cloudy, or days can be sunny but days don’t change, the weather does. And nothing can play a part in that or fix that, they can just let it be."

Accepting how things are !

There will be challenges to face and changes to make in your life, and it is up to you to accept them. Constantly keep yourself headed in the right direction for you. It may not be easy at times, but in those times of struggle you will find a stronger sense of who you are. So when the days come that are filled with frustration and unexpected responsibilities, remember to believe in yourself and all you want your life to be. Because the challenges and changes will only help you to find the goals that you know are meant to come true for you.

Take life one day at a time. it is not how fast we move or how long we live, it’s how we cherish every moment of our life. it is how we treasure every memories that we are creating each day, it is how you cope and win each day, it is how you show every day how wonderful person you are.


The secret to being happy is accepting where you are in life and making the most out of everyday. :)

“Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night
with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves
them now and that nobody will ever love them,…”

“Do you ever just get that feeling where you don’t want to talk to anybody? you don’t want to smile, and you don’t want to fake being happy. But at the same time, you don’t know exactly what is wrong either. there isn’t a way to explain it to someone who doesn’t already understand. if you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. people have stopped being comforting.. and being alone never was. at least when you’re alone no one constantly asks you what is wrong and there isn’t anyone who wont take ‘I don’t know’ for an answer. you feel the way you do just BECAUSE. you hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait.” - Lora M. Heacock

It hurts to smile… I feel like I’m going to burst into tears. There’s just some days like this when it all seems to be wrong and nothing feels right.

Stand Up !

” I’ve come to realize that you can’t depend upon other people for what you want, and you can’t be scared to go out there and get it. You have to dream hard, wish big, and chase after your goals, because no one else is going to do it for you. And even if things don’t work out, you’ll always be able to say you tried.”

I believe that we are who we choose to be. Nobody’s going to come and save you, you’ve got to save yourself. Nobody’s going to give you anything. You’ve got to go out and fight for it. Nobody knows what you want except for you, and nobody will be as sorry as you if you don’t get it. So don’t give up on your dreams. stand up and make them happen.

Music Saves My Soul !

“Music provides the subtitles to my life.”

No matter how many walls you put around your heart, the music you listen will tell everyone how you really feel.

If you cannot express yourself with words always look for the right song. I believe in using songs to say things. :)

Dear whoever is reading this,

I understand how rough things are right now. I just want to let you know that things will get better, I promise. Keep holding on just a little bit longer. I know you feel like nobody really cares. You’re wrong, stop denying it. I care, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this. You’re not alone, we may be miles away but we’re all going through the same things. Please keep holding on.

whoever you are, I love you. :)

You Have a Choice

You can choose to listen to people who bring you down, or to tune in to those who lift you up.

You can choose between making a snide, destructive comment, or you can make an encouraging, uplifting one.

You can choose to sit and worry about the worst that could happen, or you can start making progress now, and choose to have faith that everything will work out.

You can cancel the plans you made while you were on that emotional high, or you can go through with your ambitious plans anyway.

You can choose to continue down the path everyone else follows, or you can choose to start living with intention, right now.

You can choose not to contact that person because you could be rejected, or you can reach out because you might be accepted.

You can choose scarcity or choose abundance.

You can choose fear or choose bravery.

You can choose to play their game, responding to negativity with more negativity, or you can turn their energy into a source of creativity and opportunity.

You can ignore your inner genius because it doesn’t fit within someone else’s worldview, or you can embrace who you were meant to be and give all you have to the world.

You can choose to blame others or to take responsibility.

The energy it takes to make either of these choices is the same.

You always have a choice.

Which choice will you make, right now?

Just Believe !!

“Sometimes your biggest battle is to believe in yourself.”

I feared rejection until I learned to have faith in myself.
I feared pain until I learned that it’s necessary for growth.
I feared the truth until I saw the ugliness in lies.
I feared life until I experienced its beauty.
I feared death until I realized that it’s not an end, but a beginning.
I feared my destiny, until I realized that I had the power to change my life.
I feared hate until I saw that it was nothing more than ignorance.
I feared love until it touched my heart, making the darkness fade into endless sunny days
I feared ridicule until I learned how to laugh at myself.
I feared growing old until I realized that I gained wisdom every day.
I feared the future until I realized that life just kept getting better.
I feared the past until I realized that it could no longer hurt me.
I feared the dark until I saw the beauty of the starlight.
I feared the light until I learned that the truth would give me strength.
I feared change, until I saw that even the most beautiful butterfly had to undergo
a metamorphosis before it could fly.

Just learn to believe in yourself.

holding on

You walk outside and all you see is rain
You look inside and all you feel is pain
And you can’t see it now

You wake up every morning and ask yourself
What am I doing here anyway
With the weight of all those disappointments
Whispering in your ear
You’re just barely hanging by a thread
You wanna scream but you’re down to your last breath
And you don’t know it yet

But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there’s a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won’t be much longer
You’ll find love, you’ll find peace
And the you you’re meant to be
I know right now that’s not the way you feel
But one day you will

LIFE

Life can bring you many things
Some are sad and some are great
Others drive you mad
Then there are those who bring
A smile to your face
And sometimes tears to your eyes
But the most important thing Life can bring you is good friends
And a strong family to
Help you get back up
When life gets you down

my princess is growing up !

Do you know how much you mean to me?
As you grow into what you will be.
You came from within, from just beneath my heart
it's there you'll always be though your own life will now start.
You're growing so fast it sends me awhirl,
With misty eyes I ask, Where's my little girl?
I know sometimes to you I seem harsh and so unfair,
But one day you will see, I taught you well because I care.
The next few years will so quickly fly,
With laughter and joy, mixed with a few tears to cry.
As you begin your growth to womanhood, this fact you must know,
You'll always be my source of pride, no matter where you go.
You must stand up tall and proud, within you feel no fear,
For all you dreams and goals, sit before you very near.
With god's love in your heart and the world by its tail,
You'll always be my winner, and victory will prevail.
For you this poem was written, with help from above,
To tell you in a rhythm of your Mother's heartfelt Love!

Thanks For My Child !!

My Daughter, My Pride & Joy. You were brought in this world for a very special reason. The reason no one will ever understand. When you came into this world,you made my life so much better. Because you were sent from a very special man. I thank God each and everyday. For sending you here safe and not harmed. Because I would have been lost. If it wasn't for you, my beautiful daughter, my special charm. I hold you in my arms everyday, just thanking you for being here. You helped me straighten up my actl. And also helped me realize God will always be there. So thank you, my beautiful baby girl. Thank you oh so much for being in my world.

This Song is for my daughter !!

                   

What iam Feeling !!

I'm going through a hard time.
I throw things around.
Just to calm me down.

I thought one day everything was going to be okay.
But I'm still waiting for that day.

I'm getting judged everyday .

It's just not fair.
I try my hardest.
But no one thinks it's my hardest.
I just wanna give up.
But I can't as I need to show them up.

There is no point being angry at every one.
When you are just going to be outdone.
I start to cry.
And I know it's time for me to squeeze by.

It's time for me to get on with life.
But it feels like I have be stabbed with a knife.
I don't know how I can go on.
When I look up.
I see a shooting star and I wish.
But it always ends up in a swish.

I thought you said it was going to be easy.
But I guess you were wrong.
Listen to your heart.
And you might find the right part.
Why am I breaking apart?
All at the heart.

I don't wanna be torn.
Why can't I just be re -born.
So I can start from the start again.
And then I might lose some of the pain.
Then I might have a better chance.
And I will have a better stance.

I had a dream.
But then I realized that it was to upstream.
I got out of touch with the ones who gave me my wings to fly.
And I began to cry.

I forgot so easy about what really matters.
Now everything is a bit of a splatter.
I feel like I'm upside down.
And I just frown.

I hope I'm dreaming cause I don't like this feeling.
Cause it's very unappealing.
I don't know how to get out of this.
I wish it just wouldn't exist.

Everything I do, is making me more confused
And now I feel like I'm just getting used.
I finally get happy.
And then something comes on my mind and I'm unhappy.

Life Is hard and always will be.
but I guess I just have to harden up.

Looks for Valentines Day !!

Things you will need for Eyes: MAC Soft Ochre Paint Pot (neutral beige base), (opalescent white-pink), MAC Pink Opal PigmentMAC Seedy Pearl Eyeshadow (pinky-white), MAC Stars ‘n Rockets Eyeshadow (fuchsia-purple), MAC Fig. 1 Eyeshadow (eggplant), MAC Passionate Eyeshadow (medium-deep pink), MAC Penultimate Eyeliner (black), Urban Decay Lust 24/7 Liner (purple), Chanel Exceptionnel Mascara (black)

Start by applying Soft Ochre paint pot as your eyeshadow base all over the lid with the 249. Put one or two drops of water-based mixing medium (or water) on your 239, and then apply Pink Opal pigment on the lid, going just above the crease. Using the 239, apply Seedy Pearl eyeshadow on the lower lid. Next, apply Stars ‘n Rockets eyeshadow on the outer third of the eyelid and lightly blend with crease. Darken the outer third of the lid with Passionate eyeshadow with the 239, gently brushing it into the lower crease. Next, define the crease by applying Fig. 1 eyeshadow with the 226. Lightly tap and brush Seedy Pearl eyeshadow directly above the crease to soften. To finish the eyeshadow look, sweep Seedy Pearl eyeshadow as a highlighter on the brow bone. Bring everything together by applying Lust Liner on the lower lash line and Penultimate eyeliner on the upper lash line, and then sweeping lashes with Exceptionnel mascara.

Things you will need for Lips: MAC Show Orchid Lipstick (PRO) (fuchsia-purple), MAC Luminary Lustreglass (opalescent) / MAC Saint Germain Lipstick (cool-toned pink-purple), MAC Luminary Lustreglass (opalescent)

For lips, apply Show Orchid lipstick first, and then layer Luminary lustreglass for a bolder lip look. For a paler lip look, try Saint Germain lipstick as a base, and then top with Luminary lustreglass.

Valentine’s Day LOOK !

Eyes:

 NARS Smudgeproof Eyeshadow Base (neutral eyeshadow base), MAC Defiance Eyeshadow (pale frosted pink), MAC Paradise Island Eyeshadow (petal pink), MAC Star Studded Eyeshadow (plummed pink), MAC Real Drama Eyeshadow (burgundy brown), Burberry Trench Eyeshadow, Urban Decay Perversion 24/7 Liner (black), MAC Victorious Opulash Mascara (purple)

Start by applying Smudgeproof as your eyeshadow base all over the eye area with the 249. Using the 239, apply Paradise Island eyeshadow on the inner half of the lower lid. Lightly blend Star Studded eyeshadow onto the outer third of the lid and crease with the 222. Apply Defiance eyeshadow on the inner tear duct and crease with the 239. Blend Trench eyeshadow with the crease shade and highlight the brow bone. Bring everything together by applying Perversion on the lower lash line. Finish by sweeping lashes with Victorious Opulash mascara.

For lips, apply Spitfire lipstick first, then layer Wonder Woman lipglass for a complementing lip

A Warrior's Heart (Movies)

In shock and denial over his Marine father's death in battle, star Lacrosse player Conor Sullivan, always a maverick and a hothead, starts acting out in self-destructive ways that have his mom, Claire, at her wit's end. But arduous training in a wilderness Lacrosse camp under the tutelage of his dad's old combat buddy, Sgt. Major Duke Wayne, opens Conor's eyes to the true meaning of maturity, sportsmanship and manhood...

 THOUGHTS

Kellan Lutz's ab-tastic body is about the only thing shown to its best advantage in "A Warrior's Heart," a ho-hum drama whose many moving parts feel decidedly recycled.

Lutz plays Conor Sullivan, a cocky, inexplicably hotheaded California high school lacrosse star, who must move east when his career-soldier father again uproots the family. But Conor's bullish ways on  and off  his tony new school's lacrosse field intensify when his dad's redeployment to Iraq has tragic consequences.

When his father dies while serving in Iraq, Conor comes undone, brawling, alienating his teammates and distressing his mother. Worst of all, Conor is imperiling his burgeoning romance with the coach’s daughter, Brooklyn ,

It falls to Conor’s father’s military buddy Duke Wayne, to intervene. He takes Conor to a kind of Outward Bound wilderness camp, where he reveals the tribal origins of lacrosse and teaches him the Iroquois belief in a creation divinity.

Pink Candy Look !

Hey beauties, Valentine’s day is right around the corner. Many people will be looking for the latest fragrance to wear or that perfect outfit to wear out with their love ones. Most makeupnistas out there will be on the hunt for a hot look to accessorize with their fabulous outfits chosen. Well, for you all I decided to start a series of Valentine’s day inspired looks from dramatic to to soft and sweet. To kick off the series is a fun bright hot pink look for those of you that love bright eyes.

Products Used:

Smashbox photo finish lid primer
NYX Jumbo shadow pencil: Milk

Coastal Scents 42 Color Double Stack Shimmer Shadow & Blushand Coastal Scents  88 Color Makeup Palette

All Pinks and Matte pinks used
MAC Fluidline: Blacktrack

Valentine's Day Makeup Look

Eyes:

Too Faced Shadow Insurance

Make Up Atelier Rose Bleute Eyeshadow(T092) all over the lid

Artdeco Eyeshadow No.569 in crease, it's a dark aubergine colour

Artdeco Eyeshadow No.95 applied above the dark colour

Make Up Atelier White Orange Eyeshadow(061) on the brow bone

A touch of black eyeshadow in the outer corner of the eye

Black eyeliner on the upper and lower lash lines extending them out to create those wings

White Eyeliner on the waterline

L'Oreal Volumissime x 5 Carbon Black

Lips:A rosy beige lipliner
Sephora Lipstick No.579

Eyeshadows and blush that I used